Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Wish upon a star …

I was driving home yesterday, and I saw a falling star… it was brighter and bigger then any star I have ever seen and her falling was spectacular.

I remember in that moment the title of an article I read in my father’s archives – “When a star falls, a queen dies.” Even if not related I always liked that title and in that very moment I thought about our day, I relived in split seconds the last few hours - the pain, the emptiness, the loneliness you fell when needing to take rough decisions.
She was talking to us, but then that sound… BOOM BOOM BOOM… my heart was pounding so hard and so fast, I could only see her moving hands, her lips talking but with no voice and just a serious look. I felt myself stepping further and further away from them all, and going back to the sewer where I first found him and his siblings, the first time I took them out of the sewer and put them in the box with the promise that everything will be alright.
Months have passed, they grew up, they started to walk around, play, love – they got to live. We put them up for adoption and very fast Masha and Cody had “future owners” interested in taking them home….
BOOM BOOM BOOM ... that horrible sound again and the first call of the night: Masha died suddenly, a few days later the second call: Cody did not survive to parvo. If it would have been the usual form, we could have seen it but it was the tricky one that goes for the heart. Sneaky and horrible disease – they died days before going home.

The same day Cody died the lady who wanted him, found another puppy wondering the streets, similar to Cody and in the memory of our boy – she named him Cody.
Tasha and Teddy – the other 2 siblings survived the parvo and grew up to be beautiful creatures – fluffy, funny, loving animals who liked to run around the yard free and play all day long.

Until the 3rd call – Teddy wanted to be free and probably play with other dogs, he escaped his kennel and went to the big boys… this was fatal. We got to him fast, but the wounds on his body, were severe. We wanted to try and save him, but keeping in mind his quality of life, his suffering, his pain.

I left the vet crying and all I could hear behind me: “Pray that I do not call! (the 4th call would be horrible).” 3 days have passed and with each hour the phone did not ring I was happy, I had hope and I wanted him to survive.

But then again … BOOM BOOM BOOM… her face was clearer, her eyes were pining me as if they wanted to move my focus towards her lips, her words, her voice and gestures: he is in a lot of pain, even if painkillers are given all the time, the infections has spread, the breathing and the fractures are severe and the surgery he needs will never guarantee a happy and normal life. You have to make a decision… and then it hit me… a decision… 6 months ago somebody took the decision to let them die in a sewer… months later… we had to take the decision of ending his pain.

And then the star… the falling star … rose up, lit up and quickly disappeared.

Just as always, the pain and the disease sink into the dark, while the soul rises to the light.

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